Breakdown

I had a breakdown in the middle of the grocery store today.

Some days being committed to beating this disease is all consuming. Similar to fellow cancer fighter and survivor, Chris Karr of Crazy Sexy Cancer (http://www.crazysexycancer.com/), I am not comfortable with accepting traditional treatment as my only treatment option. With that, the alternative world can become a very confusing place. There are so many options, all of which are financially draining. At what point does a person need to accept that cancer is what it is? Some of these suggested alternatives may extend your life, but do they really enhance it? If they don't, is it really worth extending?

My breakdown occurred as I am working ever so diligently on alkalizing my body. The theory is that cancer cells cannot survive in an alkaline environment. Currently my body measures 6.5, which is great...but not good enough. I've realized now I need to step up my diet. With that, I am attempting to follow recipes from the pH Miracle. After purchasing and reading the two cook books that have been published, I came to the realization that I would end up eating avocado's, tomatoes, broccoli, etc. for the rest of my life. No animal proteins, limited wheat grains, no alcohol and absolutely no sugar.

A very nice lady approached me at the grocery store and asked if she could assist me. It must have been so obvious that I was in the land of the unknown. She started asking me questions....and I started crying uncontrollably. I realized at that point, food, something that I enjoy preparing and socializing with, was being taken away from me. In the back of my mind I kept saying to myself "at least you can afford to change your diet to strict organic vegetables and you have the ability to prepare them and eat them". It didn't matter....it just kept hitting me...another basic enjoyment in life being taken away.

There were many caring people watching me crying over food. Some offered other alternative options. At that point I just wanted to scream. Why are there so many options, but not a reputable source to tell me what steps I really should be taking. I can't be the only cancer survivor out there trying to do just that...survive.

Planning For Fun!

The funk from my most recent infusion has passed and I'm ready to face the world with full energy and daily appreciation. I've been idle and anxiously waiting a bit of special planning. I haven't shared with all of you an event that is taking place May 25. It appears that Dick is becoming more romantic with time, as he has suggested that we renew our marriage vows.

Our wedding anniversary date is July 22....the same date of my initial cancer diagnosis. When our anniversary approached this past July, neither of us wanted to celebrate. Just before Christmas, Mr. Romantic announced to me that he would like to change our anniversary date to May 25, the date of our first date.

Well, he didn't just announce his intentions to me, but pulled our very dear friends, Sue & Bill, into the idea at the same time. They agreed on the spot to open their beautiful new home to our friends and family. This is a tremendous and thoughtful gesture on their part as they are moving into their new home in March! Pretty gutsy of my husband, don't you think?

So...I feel like a bride again. Planning and preparing for a beautiful ceremony and celebration. A celebration of life and living! Dick thinks more about my emotional health than I give him credit for. I know that part of his intention was a new anniversary date...but it is also something for me to wake up and think about every day. Something to look forward to....even during my less light days.

Eileen and I are off to Stillwater today to look for the perfect dress. There is a special little store by the name of Our Shop that has always put me into fantasy world every time I pass it. We're going in today and fulfilling that fantasy. Simply amazing.

There are days that marriage feels challenging and quite frankly, difficult. Then the person that 'chooses' to be with you through better or worse and with sickness and in health, tells you he would do it all over again. I choose you too, my knight on his white horse coming in and making my world...just that much better.

Special Prayer Request

Hello All.... Special prayer request if I could.

My sister, Margaret, is currently undergoing emergency gallbladder surgery. Her gallbladder has been bothering her as of late and she was scheduled for an ultrasound. She didn't quite make it to that appointment.

If you could please put her in your thoughts and send out healing light, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you.

It's a Go!

Hurray!!!! My white blood count has gone up significantly since Thursday. I am presently being infused and am jubilant!

Evidently, sitting on my ever widening behind this weekend was a good thing for those finicky white blood cells. In frustration, after my treatment refusal last week, I did a lot of research on what causes white blood counts to go down. Can you believe exercise and activity? While in Palm Springs I was very active and swimming laps non-stop for 40 minutes each day. On top of that I was keeping up with very energized people till all hours. (Note to self; be sure to not schedule a trip with Sue & Bil just prior to treatments...lol)

I cannot take complete credit for being able to enjoy sitting in this infusion chair for the next five hours. I received so many kind and healing notes and phone calls since my last post. Once again, your prayers and positive energy have lifted me. Thank you so, so much!

A short story to share with all of you. More evidence that early colorectal screening awareness is so crucial. One of the nurses just told me that she met a seventeen year old last week that is undergoing treatment for colon cancer. Seventeen years old!

Not that I want your prayers and positive energy being diverted to another person, but, if you could, please send healing thoughts and prayers to that young person and family. One should not question God's ways....but goodness.

As much as I would like to continue typing, the benadryl that is slowly dripping into my body is taking its effect on my ability to concentrate. Guess this will be it for now....as I am....starting to get.....very sleepy.

Bummed Out

We're back. We left the warmth and fun of California yesterday. I spent just enough time at home to go through the mail and then I was once again out the door. I drove directly to Rochester, settled into my hotel room and began the mental preparation of receiving treatment today.

As always, Dr. Grothey greeted me this morning with a smile and a short chat about my recent travels. I was psyched and ready to go for the infusion. Unfortunately, his sad eyes looked at me and told me today's treatment was a no go. My white blood counts are far too low. I almost begged him to let me proceed with treatment. He checked my counts again and contemplated...nope, not today. It's just too risky.

When I called Dick to deliver the bad news I couldn't hold back my tears. This stuff really scares me at times. It's such a sobering reality...especially after the fun and sun.

I am scheduled to go back on Monday. Honestly, I don't know how my white blood counts can improve over the next five days. Couldn't they build my counts before treatment so that I don't have to go through this disappointment? Just what is it I'm supposed to convince my body to do before Monday morning?

Right now I am bummed. I know tomorrow will be a new day and I will see things from a fresher perspective.

Montel Show Video

Alas, I have turned into a computer geek. I have learned to convert a .vts file to a movie file, remove the commercials and publish our appearance on the Montel show. Unfortunately, the file is so large, I have had to separate it into three sections.

If you look to the right of the page, you will see the Montel logo and three separate files. Simply click on the the first to watch the beginning of the show and follow with the additional two files.

The 'In My Daughters Eyes' slide show has been moved down to the bottom of the page. It was just getting too visually busy on the top of the page.

I am feeling worn today. One would think that I would be on a high after yesterday's good news. I think I've been holding fear and apprehension inside all week. It caught up with my body today. It is something what a body can hold...and then feel when comedown is allowed.

We leave tomorrow for a trip with friends in Indian Wells, California. It will be great to be able to just hang at the pool, read a few good books and enjoy the company of wonderful people. A much needed rest for all of us after the stress of the holidays and waiting for test results.

You are all so special to me. I know your prayers and positive thoughts have carried me through all of this. I also know I have a guardian angel keeping close watch. There was a whisper in my ear as I was awaking one morning last week. The voice let me know that all would be good. I thought I was dreaming, but it has proven to be true. Praise the Lord.

Believe....I believe...I believe...I believe!

It's Good News!!!!

I received the call at 4:20 p.m The news is good.

There is no progression, no new growth. I am stable.

Dr. Grothey sounded very positive. He could not give me more detail, as the scan readers are purists and do not have prior Mayo scans to compare to.

We will have another scan after the next infusion or two, this way we can compare identical equipment.

So...the waiting was good news!!!!

Thank you so much for your prayers, love and support.

Again, you have raised me up.

No Updates from Mayo

We are all anxious for results on the CT scans from Monday. I am receiving well meaning emails and phone calls from friends and family. So far....no news.

I have left two messages with Dr. Grothey. No response as of yet.

I will update my sites as soon as I know something.

Let's hope that at this point no news is good news.

Thank you for your interest and concern.

Much love,
Kathy