Thursday, January 17, 2008

Bummed Out

We're back. We left the warmth and fun of California yesterday. I spent just enough time at home to go through the mail and then I was once again out the door. I drove directly to Rochester, settled into my hotel room and began the mental preparation of receiving treatment today.

As always, Dr. Grothey greeted me this morning with a smile and a short chat about my recent travels. I was psyched and ready to go for the infusion. Unfortunately, his sad eyes looked at me and told me today's treatment was a no go. My white blood counts are far too low. I almost begged him to let me proceed with treatment. He checked my counts again and contemplated...nope, not today. It's just too risky.

When I called Dick to deliver the bad news I couldn't hold back my tears. This stuff really scares me at times. It's such a sobering reality...especially after the fun and sun.

I am scheduled to go back on Monday. Honestly, I don't know how my white blood counts can improve over the next five days. Couldn't they build my counts before treatment so that I don't have to go through this disappointment? Just what is it I'm supposed to convince my body to do before Monday morning?

Right now I am bummed. I know tomorrow will be a new day and I will see things from a fresher perspective.

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