tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58927958242267370812024-02-01T22:40:53.488-06:00Kathy BienapflColorectal (Anal) Cancer. I am a survivor. Life is a journey...this is mine.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.comBlogger146125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-60699170074667612852009-11-26T16:27:00.002-06:002009-11-26T16:32:17.694-06:00Kathy - 11/26/09For all those following Kathy's blog. Today, Thanksgiving Day, 2009, at 10:37 this morning, Kathy passed away quickly and hopefully painlessly. To all those who have followed her over the past 3 + years I hope her words of courage, kindness and determination to beat this hellish cancer were of help to you. Your words, responses and stories were of a great help to her in keeping up the fight. <br />She is someone who will never be forgotten.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-41450722814373845512009-05-20T13:34:00.000-05:002009-05-20T13:35:23.053-05:00Next StepsThese past days have been very emotional. I found I used my hospital stay to cocoon myself and hide from the reality of my world. Now that I am home, I have had to face some rather difficult decisions. <br /><br />Dick has been after me to make necessary phone calls. He has the heart wrenching job of having to push me through and return me to our reality. He basically begged me to talk to Doctor Chris at CTCA. I followed his wishes and did so today. <br /><br />Dr. Chris is generally a very upbeat, optimistic and hopeful practitioner. Today I heard fear in his voice. In few words, he expressed to me that the cancer was winning over. If we were going to do anything proactively, we would have to do it within the next two weeks. Personally, I was really hoping to recover from my most recent surgery before having to chase the next set of procedures. From what I am hearing, I do not have time for that. <br /><br />The team at CTCA will not know exactly what I will be facing until I get there. From what Chris has shared with me, they seem to feel they can remove the tumors that are growing in my pelvic area. With that, they will need to provide another form of radiation to the area that branching out into my right leg. <br /><br />Where did this all come from? How did this all happen so quickly? I was living so lightly and had a sense of freedom from this beast. Now all I can do is think of the torturous ending it has awaiting me. I try to hide my tears from my loving and ever vigilant daughter, Eileen. She is constantly at my side and sees the pain and fear growing within my eyes. I don't know who needs more support right now, her or I? <br /><br />This is so unfair for a twenty year old to experience. She needs her mommy. I must overcome. I will fight this next battle.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-35546656313368830962009-05-18T11:29:00.000-05:002009-05-18T11:30:47.838-05:00I wish there we better newsMy surgery has taken place and I have returned to the comforts of my home. I am doing as well as can be expected. There is still a lot of time in bed and very little activity. Right now, I am healing, healing, healing. <br /><br />The surgery was a success on one part. Unfortunately, it did not do what we hoped we would accomplish when we went into this phase of the journey. The hope was that if we created a colostomy, the doctors would be able to remove the scar tissue and newest tumor from my anal tract. They were both causing me excruciating pain. The goal was to alleviate that pain and provide a fuller life. While they were in there, they planned to remove the balance of my anal tract and rectum. Remove any ability for this damned evil squamous cell to spread. <br /><br />The morning after my surgery, Dr. Nemer entered my room and explained to me that they basically took a look at the situation and closed me up. They did provide the colostomy to alleviate the pressure that had been building from my colon and then onto the scar tissue. Unfortunately, they found that the tumor had grown much more than they had anticipated. Not only did they find much more tumor in the anal tract, but also found more spreading down through my vagina and spreading with little fingers into the upper part of my right leg. They decided it would be best for me if they did not remove any of the tumor, as they felt if they did not get it all, the cells that were left behind would spin out of control throughout my body. This surgery was much bigger than they ever anticipated. <br /><br />You can only imagine the disappointment. I did not want to talk about. My dear husband wanted to get on the phone and start working on the next series of surgeries and treatments in this journey. I am so worn out...I just can't do. All I want to do is silently cry inside and heal, heal, heal. <br /><br />I asked Dr. Nemer what my next set of options would be. He really did not have answers. He suggested blocks to alleviate the pain I continue to endure from the tumors. He did not have the answers as to the cancer that is spreading down into my leg. He stated that eventually I would lose circulation to the area and most likely require amputation of that leg. Once I heard that, I really wanted to just hide and not deal with what had been dealt me. Basically, he had no answers. <br /><br />Dick has been communicating with our dear, Dr. Chris, at Cancer Treatment Centers of America. I have not been able to pick up the phone and speak with him myself. I know that I will not be able to speak the words that need to be spoken. I know that I will only be able to sob tears....as I am doing now. From what I can tell, from Dick's conversations, CTCA's hope is to be able to completely remove the tumored sites in the pelvic region and then once again provide radiation treatment to the leg area. <br /><br />I just keep asking for time to heal. I am not a super hero. My body has been through so much. I know that this is a fast growing cancer. I know I need to get on top of this and become involved in the planning of the next step of treatment. I just know that the next step will require more time away from home. More time away from my dear family. More time away from my comforts. At what point does one say enough already? <br /><br />Generally, I do not ask for speific prayers. At this point, it is very obvious what I need from all of my wonderful supporters. My doctors need vision to see what will assist me in complete healing. My family needs strength to accept what each day brings. Personally, I need the feeling of angels surrounding me, as I feel so alone and lost right now. <br /><br />Thank you for lifting me through surgery. I was a star patient for all of the nurses and doctors at Fairview Southdale. I know that you were there, providing the support and strength that I needed, expecially those first challenging days.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-42003068273889947222009-05-05T22:25:00.001-05:002009-05-05T22:29:15.236-05:00The Ride ContinuesIt has been some time since I have updated my blog. I have been putting it off. I feel that what I will be posting will be letting so many people down. Last I wrote, I was given a six month reprieve from scans and tests.<br /><br />Shortly after my clear scans, I began to feel the same pain I was experiencing that brought me to the hospital July 22, 2006. A little voice was whispering in my ear to make an appointment with my gastro surgeon. That was Thursday, March 19. At that appointment it was confirmed that the cancer that I fought close to three years ago had returned to its original site. Not near the original site. On the original site...right on top of the scar tissue. I have been told that this is very unusual. Of course it is!<br /><div class="uc-message"><br />From there I met with the surgeon at Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Illinois to get a second opinion. The doctor at CTCA concurred with Dr. Nemer. I required a colostomy. <wbr> He also advised that if I did not have this surgery, I would die of one of the most terrible and painful deaths known in the cancer world.<br /><br />No problem. I have a trip planned to Mexico. Decisions will be made upon my return April 12. So...off to Mexico I go. We are enjoying our trip and putting the cares of the world out of our minds for a few days. Unfortunate<wbr>ly, that did not last long. While in a foreign country, I developed a vaginal fistula. (If you do not know what a fistula is, Google it, I'm not going into detail.) Off to a Mexican emergency room I go. I just can't seem to get a break!<br /><br />You may ask, how the heck does a woman develop one of these? Pretty simple. Go through lots of pelvic radiation. <wbr> The fallout (literally)<wbr> from treatment in 2006. It is not painful. It causes inconvenien<wbr>ces in my life....and<wbr> I wear more perfume than I normally would.<br /><br />Back in Minnesota, I once again spoke with Dr. Nemer. He suggested I have an MRI. He wants to make sure there are not other pesky cancer cells eating away at anything else in my abdomen; liver, pancreas, bladder, etc.. Sure enough, the results come back. It looks like the cancer has spread to my bladder. I believe that was about the time Dick and I hit the wall.<br /><br />One thing I'm leaving out... My daughter, Eileen, broke her hand while I was in Mexico. She fell down stairs and caught herself with her dominant hand. She broke the most difficult bone there is to break in the body. During all of this, she also requires surgery. Yes...this is the point where we all said NO MORE!<br /><br />The urologist comes into the scene now. He needs to see if there is indeed cancer in my bladder. If that is the case, on top of the colostomy, I will also require surgery on my bladder and redirect my urinary tract. He was very kind. Dr. Utz explained that what he saw on the MRI did not look promising for me. During my exam he prayed with me. He found nothing. What was showing on the MRI is possibly scar tissue. I love it when doctors give me big hugs. He cried thankful tears with me.<br /><br />Whew...let'<wbr>s get this surgery scheduled and get the show on the road!!!! Oh, how I wish it were that easy. On April 23, Dr. Nemer comes back into the picture. He wants to have a lenghty conversatio<wbr>n with both Dick and me...not just me. He wants Dick to understand that this is a life changing surgery. He also explains to both of us that he is not sure if the colostomy is feasible. He needs to examine me one more time to make sure my various levels of skin in the pelvic area have not melded together from the radiation. <wbr> (Are you learning with me? Radiation causes some pretty bad stuff a few years down the road!)<br /><br />Upon exam, he is very pleased to learn that my 'plains' are separate and in good condition. <wbr> The surgery is now a go! Unfortunate<wbr>ly, it will take about three weeks for the 'team' to get scheduled. <wbr> Evidently there are several specialists<wbr> involved and it is very extensive. <wbr> The scheduled date is this Friday, May 8th.<br /><br />I have felt so selfish asking for constant prayers and support in the past. I just could not write prior to this. I feel weak and vulnerable.<wbr> This update is forced. I have a minimum of a four to six hour surgery awaiting me this Friday. These last weeks have depleted me. I need your help. We all need your help. This has been very difficult for my family.<br /><br />So, once again, I humbly ask for your prayers and support. You have lifted me with so much wonderful energy and love in the past. Anything you can send my way at around 3:30 p.m. Friday would be more than appreciated<wbr>.<br /><br />With deep love and appreciatio<wbr>n,<br />Kathy<br /> </div>Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-86269438499752307812009-02-11T10:37:00.000-06:002009-02-11T10:38:10.577-06:00Great News, Guys!Dr. Eden, my Radiologist, walked into the exam room with a huge smile on his face. His words were "great news, guys!" I waited a moment. Okay...when will the 'but' come into this conversation. <br /> <br />From there he went on to explain that the most recent series of treatments worked. The small tumor in my left lung has been obliterated. The scan that would normally show multiple tumors in my right lung....gone! There is one pesky spot that appears to be an encapsulated tumor. The size has not changed in three months. They believe it could possibly be scar tissue at this point. <br /> <br />'See you in six months! You're doing well.. If the six month scans show no progress, we will not need to see you for a year!' A reprieve...a HUGE reprieve!!!<br /><br />I gave him a hug. He said, "I'll take the hug...but thank the Lord." <br /> <br />From there we went on the see my Oncologist, Dr. Levin. My blood work shows that I am 'normal'. No anemia. My white blood counts are within healthy range. My liver and kidneys are functioning normally. Isn't it amazing what a body can go through? <br /> <br />Dick and I headed to the elevators and I started the happy dance. Is this for real? I felt giddy. He reminded me that I will be able to work in my garden for the first time in three summers! <br /><br />I awoke this morning with the same fear that has been plaguing me every morning for some time now. I realize that it will take some time for this amazing news to sink in. Maybe I am a little worn from all that I have been through. I have survived a difficult battle. <br /> <br />My husband, Dick, has been an amazing supporter in this fight. He has been right by my side through all of<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">it</span></span>. He made a choice to walk hand-in-hand with me through the <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" >good and </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">bad as well. Thank you, Dick. You are deeply loved and greatly appreciated. </span><br /> <br />How do I thank all of you for the amazing support your have provided? Your prayers were heard and answered. We all know it is all in His hands...but you must have been sending some pretty compelling requests. I will be forever indebted to you. Thank you. <br /> <br />I also want to thank the amazing staff at Cancer Treatment Centers of America. To think, a year ago April, I was told by another large medical institution to go home and make peace with myself. CTCA would not allow those words to be echoed. They have a huge arsenal and were ready to reload and take it up to the next level, if necessary. Dr. Chris, Dr. Levin and Dr. Eden....you know how I feel about you and the superb care you have provided<br /> <br />This journey is not over. I might lay low for a bit of time. It's been some time since I have been able to breathe in fresh air. I need to figure out what I am going to do with the rest of my life. <br /><br /> I love you....all of you.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-8559726300756239152009-02-04T12:28:00.002-06:002009-02-04T12:29:08.790-06:00Here We Go AgainIt has been some time since I have updated my blog. All of the holidays passed by so quickly! Where does time go?<br /><br />It has been busy around here since I returned home from treatment in Illinois mid-December. Somehow I had the energy to complete Christmas shopping, decorate the house, prepare many meals....It was great. The New Year found me down for the count with the flu. That was quite a setback....yuck.<br /><br />Before I knew it, Dick and I were flying to Sacramento for the grand opening of his newest project, Red Hawk. It is a beautiful facility and I am very proud of him. We had a great time celebrating his huge accomplishment.<br /><br />Sacramento started the beginning of a two week long trip. Following Sacramento we joined our friends in their home in the Palm Springs area. Being surrounded with friends has been a blessing, as I have been filled with anxiety knowing that my next round of testing is fast approaching. I have not been handling it well. Thank goodness for warm weather distractions.<br /><br />My energy levels are good. I have been able to golf, swim and enjoy more than one margarita. I wish my stamina were better, but when I look back at what I have experienced, I think I am doing pretty darn good. Some days I wonder if I feel the way I do because of the war that I have been battling or if is it because I am in my 50th year?<br /><br />Dick and I leave for Cancer Treatment Centers of America on Sunday. I have scans and other tests scheduled on Monday, February 9th. The results will be available on Tuesday the 10th. My belly is full of butterflies and doing flip flops already. I do not recall ever being so apprehensive. The thought of having to be away from my family for another six weeks of treatment...well, as you can imagine, it's difficult.<br /><br />On one hand I feel very good about what my results may be. It was just that one little tumor they needed to treat last time...and we know the treatment works! I keep reminding myself that I need to be positive. I am so lucky to be here today. When I was told by Mayo last April that there was nothing more that could be done, I honestly did not think I would be here to ring in the new year. Well, I am here and kicking! I think I am just plain exhausted from fighting. It seems it is all encompassing. I want to be able to do more than fight a disease. At times I feel so selfish. I feel like all I do is take.<br /><br />So....once again it is a waiting game. Next week will tell us if we have a reprieve or if we will continue the battle. I will keep you all updated as soon as I know the results.<br /><br />As always, I am so thankful for your continued prayers and support. You continue to lift me and provide energy to fight and appreciate all that surrounds me.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-62504789467212453312008-11-20T10:00:00.001-06:002008-11-20T10:00:19.141-06:00PatienceI am restless!! I sit in what I refer to as my apartment with a cleaning service and pass my time. I once thought having my own little place to escape would be something that would take me away from daily stresses. I realize now that what I once thought were daily stresses are just a part of life that I now miss.<br /><br />I have four and a half weeks of treatment remaining. Hawthorn Suites is very accommodating, but I miss the bark of my dog, Bert, Dick's nightly back rubs and the young energy Eileen brings to our home.<br /><br />Cancer Treatment Centers of America is located in Zion, Illinois. It is not a very convenient location. It is located smack dab between Chicago and Milwaukee along Lake Michigan. It helps me appreciate where I live in Minnesota. To get to a mall or a decent restaurant while staying in Zion, it requires at least a half hour drive. This is difficult, as I am accustomed to great food and entertainment ten minutes from home. Here, I think twice just taking off and going out, as it takes energy to get from point A to point B here in Illinois.<br /><br />Treatments are going well. They are not scheduled until evenings as they have so many patients scheduled each day. Some nights I do not leave the radiation center until 9:00 p.m. This makes evening socializing with friends and family difficult. I return to my room and crawl into bed and sleep any sign of depleted energy away. With that, I am able to wake in the mornings with good energy and the ability to be out in the world. Late mornings find me exercising at the gym CTCA provides for their patients. It is my afternoons that find me stir crazy and looking for things to do.<br /><br />The staff at CTCA continues to impress me. Their philosophy is that all members of this amazing organization treat all patients the way they would want their mothers treated. I must say, there are some very lucky mothers out there, as the staff shows so much respect for each and every patient.<br /><br />CTCA takes care of everything from free breakfast, lunch and dinner to limousine service to and from the airport. They provide the feeling of security as they go above and beyond the call. I just learned that my airline tickets to and from home as well as mileage from my driving trips are reimbursed through insurance. CTCA does not want its patients to be concerned about the small details. They take care of that for you.<br /><br />They can only do so much. Accepting the quiet that faces me on a daily basis is my part of treatment. I am once again learning the next level of patience. Appointments run late. Afternoons are long and lonelines sets in. In the end, I know this will be a small portion of my future and this time away from home will be well worth the sacrifices.<br /><br />pa⋅tience /ˈpeɪʃəns/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [pey-shuhns]<br />–noun<br />quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.<br /><br />Peace and blessings to all of you.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-45035110542371064062008-10-30T10:30:00.001-05:002008-10-30T10:39:51.445-05:00The Results Are InWe have returned from Illinois. We received the results of my latest CT scan yesterday morning. I have good new and I have bad news.<br /><br />The good news is the recent treatment I received worked. All of the tumors in my right lung have reduced significantly or have been completely obliterated. Dr. Eden is very pleased with the outcome. All of those difficult weeks away from home were indeed worth the hardship.<br /><br />Now for the bad news. The celebration in the examination room was short lived as Dr. Eden shared with me that they have found new cancer growth in my left lung. It is not very large. It is again in the pleura lining. The report states that it is a tiny growth. Dr. Eden explained it is about the size of a nickle. A single fast growing tumor.<br /><br />Am I numb? Yes. The thought of cancer migrating to another area frightens the heck out of me and I find myself in a bit of a funk. I was not expecting this newest blow.<br /><br />On the other hand, we know that the Tomotherapy worked. I just need to go back and get this one new growth blasted. Unfortunately, that means another five weeks away from home, family and friends. Just as I was feeling like a healthy person and living a full life with energy, I have been told that I need to start over again...smack in the middle of the upcoming Holiday season.<br /><br />I return to Zion this upcoming Monday for treatment measurements and planning. Then I will return Monday, November 10th for five weeks of treatment. Doesn't it seem strange that I need to return for twenty-three treatment sessions for just one tumor when I required twenty-eight sessions for multiple tumors?<br /><br />When all is said, I believe the news is eighty percent good and twenty percent not so good. On a positive note, we know that the Tomotherapy works and will blast this one trouble maker. As our good friends brought to my attention last evening...imagine what the news would have been like if they told me the cancer had spread and the tomotherapy did not work? All is not bad...just a little piece of disappointment thrown in the mix.<br /><br />Speaking of our good friends; Sue & Bill's son, Chad, has been in the hospital for close to two weeks now. His body has been ravaged by an aggressive strain of Pneumoccocus. The family has been on quite a roller coaster ride. Chad has been in a chemically induced coma. His body has been having a terrible time fighting this. At one point, all of his organs were shutting down. He has pulled through that...but it will be a long road to recovery.<br /><br />If you have any extra prayers in you, please send out positive thoughts Chad's direction. He's hovering between life and the dark world of a coma.<br /><br />We are once again reminded that life should be lived one day at a time. We never know what will be greeting us tomorrow.<br /><br />Blessings and love to all of you.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-57444448451403935082008-10-14T09:49:00.001-05:002008-10-14T09:49:28.643-05:00Autumn SpelndorAutumnal colors are gracing our landscape here in Minnesota. We have been taking in the beauty and recognizing this annual gift . This is my favorite time of year. The colors seem to speak to me. In turn I rejoice in their splendor.<br /><br />We returned home from Illinois one month ago this week. I have been gaining strength daily. Still, some days seem to be more energized than others. I find that I am not as patient with myself as I know I should be. I can hear Dr. Chris saying "Geez, give yourself a break. Your body has been through hell and back." I know this mentally...but I still find I want to live each day more fully.<br /><br />I joined a fitness club last week. It is too difficult to sit and wait for my energy and strength to return. My hope is that by working out on a regular basis, this will speed up my body's sluggish feel. So...if there are any friends that belong to Lifetime Athletic, please let me know if you are looking for a workout buddy.<br /><br />Being home is a delight. Dick and I have both been busy working on projects and organization. My house is once again clean after a summer of neglect. Dick's special garage project is making great progress. We both have a new found appreciation for our time together and the simplicities of life.<br /><br />One thing that I have been doing as a personal treat is spending evenings enjoying a bubble bath with my iPod playing the amazing music of Andrea Bocelli. I have decided I can do such things now. I never allowed myself to enjoy this simple pleasure before. While sitting in the bath I am able to review my day and appreciate all of the wonderful works from above that surround me.<br /><br />Take the time to enjoy what you view as your own selfish indulgence. Don't wait for 'some day'. Breathe in and acknowledge the special gifts that have been provided to you in this day and every day.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-23576382325452212982008-09-30T10:08:00.001-05:002008-09-30T10:08:28.535-05:00Home AgainThere's no place like home....there's no place like home! <br /><br />We returned from CTCA two weeks ago today. It is hard to believe my last treatment was just two weeks ago. My energy is slowly returning and I am becoming familiar with routines at home. <br /><br />Looking back, it is rather odd to think I was away eleven out of twelve weeks. I was away from home for what amounts to a season. It was not an easy time for me. At the same time it was an amazing learning experience. I have come to have an even greater appreciation for what is important; family and friends. They helped provide energy and reminded me of the hope that was right around the corner. I also gained appreciation for the more simple things of home. My bed, the familiar and beautiful neighborhood in which I live, restaurants that are not fast food and the snuggle time with my dog, Bert. <br /><br />When we left Illinois, I made the decision that my last treatment was my last day of cancer. I feel very positive about the treatment outcome. I wake each morning feeling like a 'normal' person. I have shared with Dick that I do not quite know what to do with myself. It is a rather foreign feeling....normal. Give me some time, I will get the hang of it. <br /><br />I guess what is so strange is that I feel I have a full life in front of me. I am so afraid I am going to fall back into old thoughts and life patterns. My hope is to continue to wake each morning with great appreciation for all of the big and small things that surround me. I also feel I need to do something with what I have learned through this journey. I need to give back, as I have received so much. <br /><br />Due to the swelling and inflammation in my lung from treatment, we will be returning to CTCA at the end of October for a CT scan. We will learn at that time if we need to proceed with any additional treatment. As I stated above, we all feel very good about my outcome. I will not allow myself to live as if my time here is limited. I have been doing that for far too long. <br /><br />I want to thank all of the wonderful staff at Cancer Treatment Centers of America for all of their caring and support. A truly empathetic and nurturing environment has been created and instilled with this healing organization. <br /><br />To all of my caring supporters, thank you for sending your healing thoughts and prayers of high intention. It was all of you that assisted me in greeting each day and having the ability to proceed with a rather difficult treatment experience.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-22412056566937536012008-09-07T20:46:00.001-05:002008-09-07T20:46:55.708-05:00A Dark HoleHonestly, I do not know how else to begin this entry other than to say it up front and talk about it. I hit the proverbial wall. I wouldn't say I had a breakdown, but I did indeed have an 'episode'. Whatever happened, it took over the strong, upbeat and positive person that has always had the ability to rally.<br /><br />It has been difficult being away from my family & friends and the comforts of my own home these past months. The short bits of time I have been home, I was fighting pain. The discomfort did not allow me to be fully present and enjoy spending time with family and friends, as I was always distracted.<br /><br />Poor Dick called me to say good-morning two weeks ago Friday. He was on his way into work and was ready to settle into his day. When he asked me how I was, it was quite apparent that I was not in a good place. Dick and Eileen quickly put themselves on the road to drive down to see me. The hope was that if I were to see the two of them, the spirit that disappeared within me would miraculously reappear. It did not work.<br /><br />That Sunday afternoon I ended up in Cancer Treatment Centers of America's emergency room. I was convinced I was going to die. I was admitted into the hospital.<br /><br />The tomotherapy treatments were taking more out of me than I wanted to believe. I recognized, now that I was in the hospital, I had not been sleeping well, nor had I been eating enough to healthily sustain me. My downward spiral had started a couple of weeks back. I kept thinking I could rally...I always do.<br /><br />Monday was a very busy day. The staff at CTCA were all over it. Not only was my doctor involved, I had visits from nutrition, mental health, mind & body medicine and care management. There was a concern that I might possibly have brain mets. A CT scan was scheduled. CTCA was going to get to the bottom of this and quick.<br /><br />When all is said and done, I guess you could say my well was empty. My spirit was drying up. Fighting was taking its toll and I had not shared it with anyone.<br /><br />Dick has stayed and spent the past two weeks with me. He has been tremendous support and has done a phenomenal job of pulling me up out of my hole. He returned home today. It was very difficult to let him go. My mom has arrived in his stead...I continue to be in good hands.<br /><br />Two weeks later I am a new person. I have renewed energy. With the help of a funny little pill by the name of Marinol, I have an appetite...and a sense of humor. I am sleeping soundly at night and I have great hope.<br /><br />The CT results show that my brain has not been invaded. Hallelujah! The radiation treatments are going very well. My pain has completely disappeared. Dr. Eden is very impressed with my results thus far and feels we are beating the enemy. I am down to just seven more treatments. My fighting attitude has returned and I am once again a warrior.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-16376468441592443612008-08-19T21:01:00.001-05:002008-08-19T21:02:19.216-05:00Happy to be 49!!!!!I don't know how it can be that I return to my home town for rest and relaxation during my radiation treatment and all hell breaks loose...but that's what has happened these past few weeks. Details in a minute....<br /><br />Before I get to that, I want to thank all of you that followed through on Dick's secret plan to wish me a happy 49th birthday. I had no idea he had this rather large plan in motion. I have been overwhelmed with love. The support I received from all of you, if ever questioned, became very apparent during my birthday week. I received so many lovely cards and emails, beautiful floral bouquets and delicious fruit baskets. Normally, I would be embarrassed and rather upset with Dick. Not this time. Leading up to my birthday I had been physically drained and his secret and your gracious follow through was just what the doctor ordered.<br /><br />I do not know what happened. My sister, Margaret, lives close to CTCA in Zion. She had offered her spare room and asked that I stay with her during the duration of my tomotherapy treatments, which will last about six weeks.<br /><br />When two sisters are going to spend six weeks together, there is great anticipation of doing fun 'sister' stuff. Shopping, dinner out, craft stores... My first evening in my new home was a Monday. I had received my first radiation treatment earlier in the day. Looking back, I may have pushed myself too hard that evening. As I was settling into my new home, something strange was settling into my body. By Wednesday evening I was down for the count.<br /><br />The week went on and each day progressively worsened. By Wednesday evening, I was fighting a fever of 103 degrees. I felt as if I had been hit by a MAC truck and left behind for vultures to take me, piece by piece.<br /><br />When I reached the treatment center Thursday morning, I insisted I meet with my doctor and explain how I had been feeling the past days. As I thought they might be, they were very concerned and started running blood tests and cultures. No radiation for me...not for a few days. Instead, it was decided that my time would be better spent in the infusion center receiving two very strong antibiotics.<br /><br />As my fever started to level to a normal rate my radiation treatments resumed. With that, I also continued my antibiotic infusions. This made for long and tiring days.<br /><br />The good news.... Whatever decided to take up residence in my body has decided to move on. The bad news....we have no idea what it was. My thought is my body is starting to rebel and does not like the port I had surgically inserted a year ago. It is a foreign body and my body just might be rejecting it. The time might soon be approaching for another small surgical procedure and have it removed. I do not want to experience that level of illness ever...again. As Margaret has stated several times, she was afraid she was going to walk in the room and find me dead. She is not exaggerating.<br /><br />I'm back on track. I have been able to proceed with uninterrupted tomotherapy treatments for one week now. With the consistent treatment, the pain in my rib area is quickly subsiding. My level of pain three weeks ago was about a 9 out of 10. I am now living very comfortably at about a two. That is when I choose not to cover the pain with medication. Something good is happening in my lung!!!!<br /><br />I apologize for not writing sooner and thanking all of you for the memorable birthday. Your participation was truly overwhelming. As I begin this week, I am just now able to relax without pain or concern of illness, and enjoy reading each card and take in the scent of the beautiful bouquets that are filling our home.<br /><br />I am looking forward to celebrating my 50th with you next year!Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-91978284237193673572008-07-29T09:14:00.001-05:002008-07-29T09:14:40.895-05:00Disbelief<div style="overflow: auto;"> Some days I am amazed with what I learn about the cancer treatment world. There are many days I feel completely overwhelmed. Other days I am in disbelief. What I have learned in recent days finds me in the disbelief category.<br /><br />When I was at Fairview last week, I was basically being forced by the hospital to go with the radiation center that is adjacent to the hospital for my treatment. (There must be a contract between the hospital and this specific radiology group.) I felt like my back was up against the wall and I was made to believe that if I did not go with this specific group of radiation oncologists, I would be making a bad choice in a critical decision. I had mentioned to the doctors that my wishes were to have treatment at CTCA. The response that I received from the group was nothing less than eye rolling and a threatening tone.<br /><br />During the time in which pen was in hand and a contract to begin treatment was being forced upon me, I felt my entire body respond to the tactics. My blood pressure dropped, my temperature rose and my body was overcome with a physical response. Quite frankly, I felt I was about to code and begged the radiation team to wheel me back to my hospital room for observation.<br /><br />Looking back, I now realize that something bigger than me was intercepting my care. Once my body had recovered from my subconscious response, I was forced to stand up for my own beliefs the following morning. It was the many angels that have been following me that had knocked me upside the head. They certainly know how to get ones attention when they need to! After experiencing the very strong 'ah ha' moment, I canceled all further treatment with the local radiation team.<br /><br />When we arrived at CTCA on Friday we were educated on the advanced treatment options they have available. I also learned that CTCA is one of very few TomoTherapy practitioners available. Upon further research, I learned that the group in Minneapolis does not offer the therapy.<br /><br />If I had not taken the time to recognize what the universe was trying to tell me, I would have begun my treatment back in Minnesota. The treatment would have taken care of my immediate pain, but it would not have helped me long term. The feeling of hope that I am now experiencing would never had occurred.<br /><br />The part of me that is in disbelief is the fact that there are facilities that are aware of better and more advanced treatment options. Instead of sharing this information with patients in need, these facilities choose to do what is best for their bottom line. Sadly, the more I am learning about this industry, the more I am learning how prevalent these practices are believed and followed.<br /><br />Lessons learned last week;<br /><br />1. Follow and listen to ones gut.<br />2. Ask questions<br />3. Be your own advocate.<br /><br />Surely you will run across similar situations during your daily struggles. Take the time to listen to what is best for you. The other guy has his own best interest covered.<br /> </div>Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-73763363731100008392008-07-28T00:12:00.001-05:002008-07-28T00:12:56.005-05:00Open RoadThere is so much to be communicated. So many things have happened this past week. Quite frankly, I am having a difficult time trying to figure out how to compose an abbreviated version of the week and still have my words make sense. Add to that the fact that I am on time release morphine and dilaudid for breakthrough pain. Oh boy. Let's put it this way...I am asking for your patience as you attempt to decipher my words.<br /><br />First things first. I have been released from the hospital. The doctors at Fairview knew they had to release me with their blessings. It was that or I would have bolted without their consent. That would have turned into undesired stress for all parties involved. I was released Thursday afternoon. There is no diagnosis or medical understanding as to what was causing my symptoms last week. The doctors are just as frustrated as we were. I was stable and gaining strength at the time of my departure.<br /><br />From the hospital Dick and I went home and I packed for my planned one month stay in Illinois. I packed in record time. Ladies, can you imagine putting together clothing, shoes, lingerie and toiletries in forty-five minutes? I am still questioning how I had the energy and the ability to focus on the task. Before I knew it I was giving Bert, our adorable dog, yet another hug good-bye and we were on our way to Illinois. On schedule!<br /><br />Dick and I met with the Medical Director of Radiation Oncology at CTCA Friday afternoon. He had an opportunity to review my CT's from the previous Sunday. He was in agreement with the Minneapolis radiologist. My pain is being caused by bone erosion due to cancer on one of my ribs. He advised that he could treat that site. By treating the site they would be killing that part of the bone, thus alleviating the pain. Hurray!<br /><br />The above information is the same treatment plan that the radiologist in Minneapolis outlined. This is very good. With that, this is where things become very confusing. The doctors at CTCA want to treat the bone as well as zap the tumor that is adjacent to the eroded bone. What? Say that again? You can treat the tumor as well? The doctors answer 'yes'. My thoughts begin to rush. You can see Dick's brain working in the same direction as mine. If you can zap that tumor why can't you zap the others that are in my lung as well? The doctor's answer 'we can'. 'The problem is the cancer growing in other parts of your body.' But doctor...there isn't any other cancer. Just these tumors giving me trouble in my right lung.<br /><br />When Dick and I left CTCA early Friday evening, we were both of the understanding that the radiation therapy available at this facility has the ability to eradicate the tumors. Can you imagine the gamut of emotions we were feeling at this point? Number one...why wasn't this offered to us by the radiologist in Minneapolis? We're confused.<br /><br />I return to CTCA Monday for a defined treatment plan. I will be measured, tattooed and have a mold created to protect my chest area during all of my radiation treatments. The length and duration of my treatments will be decided at that time as well. The doctors will also be able to tell me if Dick and I were fantasizing or if we really did hear something as amazing as my tumors being completely treatable.<br /><br />The Vitamin C treatment that I had planned to begin again is being shelved for the time being. Our focus right now is the radiation and alleviating my pain. We will revisit Vitamin C at a future date.<br /><br />So gang, we will all be learning about radiation treatments to the lung together. Let's keep our fingers and toes crossed. When the doctor confirms what we think he communicated to us on Friday, I will go into greater detail a story about following ones gut...literally.<br /><br />Thank you for your prayers and concern this past week. Aside from the effects from the pain meds, I am quickly regaining strength I have not enjoyed in quite some time. I do believe the blood transfusions may be adding a bit of a skip to my step.<br /><br />As my good grade school friend, Sue, expressed in an email to me earlier this evening....You have MANY angels looking out for you, dear girl! Indeed I do!Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-72309853881237063642008-07-23T17:31:00.003-05:002008-07-23T17:45:43.569-05:00Road BlocksI am still in the hospital. When I was initially admitted on Sunday, it was due to pain and constipation. From there, it was upgraded to the three P's. If only it were that simple.<br /><br />Somewhere between Sunday and Tuesday, the three P's became less of a priority. It appears my body is fighting something. The professional community is at a complete loss as to what has taken over my body. I have been running a steady temp. It has spiked up to over 101 degrees, which is high for me, as my average temp is in the 97's. Add to that the fact that my blood pressure is lower than my average of 100/70. It's been as low as 70/50. (A person feels pretty lousy when it gets that low.)<br /><br />Due to the concern about fever and blood pressure, I am being pumped with antibiotics, copious amounts of fluid and two units of blood. I've had more blood draws than you can imagine and a echocardiogram. I'm sure I'm missing a few things in there...but you get the idea.<br /><br />The plan was to leave tomorrow for Illinois to begin my next round of vitamin C treatments. Until I have my pain under control and the specialists in infectious diseases have figured out what is causing havoc in my body, that plan may be shelved. We have decided we want to complete my radiation treatments and continue with the infusions at CTCA. The difficulty is getting my doctors here in Minneapolis to agree to my travel without answers to their current concerns.<br /><br />In a word, this week has been frustrating. Okay...two words. Frustrating and scary.<br /><br /><div class="Ih2E3d">Updates will follow. I am very aware there is a high level concern and wanting to know 'what's up'. I wish I had more to tell you. </div><br />I know that there are many wonderful prayers and positive intentions being sent my direction. Please know that I appreciate the time that you take to think of me and the energy that you provide.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-31240685839353712782008-07-21T09:54:00.002-05:002008-07-21T10:11:47.885-05:00DetoursTypical Monday morning conversation; So...what did you do this weekend? My response would be 'I tried to control the pain that has been continuing to build. On Saturday, Dick and I ran errands. I should restate that. Dick ran errands. I sat in the passenger seat and watched him run in and out of stores. Saturday night I found myself very restless and without sleep. The pain that I had been experiencing in my rib area turned into spasms. Add to that the gastrointestinal problems I am experiencing from the pain meds I had been taking...I had a 'trying' weekend'.<br /><br />When one lacks sleep it is difficult to think straight. Many things run through a worn and weary brain. My thought process concluded that I was experiencing liver or kidney problems, as the pain I have been experiencing is in that area. All I know is I was very uncomfortable. Sunday morning greeted Dick with me in tears and asking that he take me to the emergency room.<br /><br />The emergency room decided a CT scan was in order. The results came back with what appears to be erosion of the bone between ribs 9 and 10 on my right side. Bone mets. It has been confirmed with me that erosion of bone is uncomfortable and painful. It's nice to know I'm not a wimp.<br /><br />From the emergency room I have been admitted into my very familiar room at Fairview Southdale. Room 819 is going to be known as my signature room. I am going to start decorating it and adding my own personal touches to it soon. Funny...but not so much. It's a private room. That is always appreciated.<br /><br />Right now the focus is to get my pain under control using various forms of morphine. We are also working on getting my intestinal disturbances under control. From there discussions will be taking place with regards to a treatment plan regarding my rib area. The word 'radiation' was thrown into the conversation yesterday. Ugh! As the next few days unfold the plan will become clearer. Right now we are dealing with the three P's....pain, poop and plan.<br /><br />It's been a difficult twenty-four hours. I feel as if the wind has been knocked out of our sails. We had been living with such high hopes as we felt the Vitamin C infusions were assisting me in turning the corner. I'm not ending that part of this fight...just taking a bit of a detour.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-65014879317303573802008-07-07T14:36:00.000-05:002008-07-07T14:37:02.580-05:00It's Working!!!!!I am in the final week of the four week trial here at Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Zion. Have you heard? We have reason to celebrate!!!<br /><br />Last week I was experiencing rather extensive back pain and spasms. The doctors wanted to run a CT to rule out a few of their concerns. Although the CT did not give answers as to my back pain, the scans did show tumor reduction! I received the great news right before leaving for the 4th of July holiday. We're all extremely happy around here.<br /><br />Dr. Stephenson sat with me this morning and explained that the largest and fastest growing tumor in my right lung is showing great response to the Vitamin C infusion. In his words, the tumor is showing necrosis. Basically, the tumor is dying from the inside and any blood supply is quickly being cut off due to the Vitamin C.<br /><br />We are still working out the 'what next' details. They have invited me back for the next phase of the study. They would like me to take a month off. At that time, if there is not significant change in tumor growth, I will be a guinea pig for another four week experiment. Seems worth it to me!!!!<br /><br />Isn't that some of the best and most incredible news you have heard from me in a long, long time? My big tumor is dying!!!!<br /><br />Blessings to all of you. You have played a HUGE role in this and deserve your own congratulations and celebration!!!!<br /><br />Oh....and I think I figured out the back pain. Please don't refer to me as the Princess and the Pea or Goldilocks..... The bed that I have been sleeping on is too soft.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-67843746499908538182008-06-23T20:45:00.001-05:002008-06-23T20:45:39.130-05:00Guinea Pig UpdatesLast week was a rather long and grueling week. I apologize for not updating and letting you know how the trial has been going. <br /><br />Where to begin...where to begin.... <br /><br />First, I will begin by thanking all of you for the prayers that have provided this amazing opportunity. As the days have passed, I am learning more and more how fortunate I am to be involved in this trial. There are many, many people requesting to be a test subject. Fortunately for me, unfortunately for others, the criteria is very strict and CTCA must be very selective when accepting their candidates. <br /><br />The first week of the trial was rather grueling, which helps me understand why they are so selective. Candidates must be healthy (well, as healthy as you can be with Stage IV cancer!) Having gone through my cleanse and clearing the toxins out of my body has assisted me greatly with my energy levels. <br /><br />My days begin at 5:45 a.m. to get to CTCA by 7:30 a.m., as the commute is about 45 minutes. The first thing we do upon my arrival is vitals, urine and blood tests. They are required to test my kidney's, liver and other blood levels. Once that is approved...the infusion is a go! The infusion generally starts at about 10:00 a.m. <br /><br />During the infusion, my vitals are checked every 15 minutes, including constant monitoring of an EKG machine that sends signals to the intensive care unit via satellite. I have been keeping ICU very busy, as we have learned through this that I am bradycardia (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bradycardia" target="_blank">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki<wbr>/Bradycardia</a>). Evidently monitors are going off in that department as if I am code blue many times throughout the day. <br /><br />So...the infusion begins. After a bit of time thirst begins. Along with a 1500cc IV bag, I am drinking about a gallon of water during a 2 hour period. I don't need to tell you what happens when the body is saturated with fluids. So, before I know it, I am signaling to my nurse that I need privacy for a the portable potty, as I am not able to move too far from my bed, as I am hooked up to monitors. Urinating every fifteen minutes gets very old. <br /><br />Last week the days were very long. Monday I was in the center from 7:30 a.m. until about 5:00 the next day....constant monitoring and very little sleep. Thursday required that I have several blood tests, at various intervals, the last being 11:00 p.m. That had me settling in my bed at Basia's at about 12:30 a.m. I don't know about you...but for me, that's a very long day! <br /><br />Earlier in the week, Dick and I decided I needed to fly home for the weekend. I arrived in Minneapolis at about 4:30 p.m. Friday afternoon. When I saw my bedroom, I dived for the bed and stayed there until about 9:00 a.m. There is nothing like your own bed! <br /><br />This week and next will be a bit less intense. My days will last until about 2:00 p.m. and then I will free to do as I wish. <br /><br />There is really not much else for updates. Boring...I know. The big results will come at the end of the 4th week. Dick and I plan to spend that weekend in Chicago. We have a hotel booked on Michigan Avenue with the plan to celebrate and rejoice in good news. <br /><br />The most difficult part of this journey has been being away from Dick and Eileen (and Bert). Vacations are one thing. Being away under these circumstances, one finds themselves in need of comfort, hugs and familiar surroundings. <br /><br />Thank you so much for your continued prayers and support. You are all my hero's!Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-12670408878952473592008-06-16T19:08:00.001-05:002008-06-16T19:12:03.188-05:00Official Test Subject<div id="1eq9" class="ArwC7c ckChnd">Thought I would take the opportunity to post an update. I am currently resting in my hospital room at Cancer Treatment Centers of America. Today was my first full vitamin C infusion. The procedure went well. Notice I didn't describe it as 'very' well. There were a few very tolerable side effects. One of them was being sick to my stomach. I don't care for that so much. Tomorrow's infusion will be better as they will adjust certain dosages. Hey...I'm a breathing petri dish in a Phase I trial. These things are going to happen. <br /><br />My diagnostic testing last week returned good results! I am very happy and relieved to report that there has not been significant tumor growth in my right lung. That is a reason to celebrate in itself. The best news is that my scans showed that these tumors are still just hangin' in my right lung. No migrating to other organs!!! YES!!!! <br /><br />One concern I had during all of my testing was that my blood counts or kidney function might cause me to be ineligible for the the trial. More good news....I am a very, very healthy specimen. As I was educating myself on this specific trial, I found a website describing the individuals involved in this trial as 'one foot in the grave and the other foot on a banana peel'. How dare they!!! I'm very far from that, thank you very much! <br /><br />My days over the next four weeks will be very busy. I am required to be at the hospital every Monday through Friday at 7:30 a.m. My infusions and observation take place until about 2:00 p.m. daily, with the exception of Friday (they let me go early on Friday's). After that I have a rigorous schedule of acupuncture, massage, reiki, massage and more massage. Hey somebody has to do it!! <br /><br />My dear friend, Basia, lives about 45 minutes from CTCA and is providing a relaxing and comfortable environment in her home. She even has a sweet puppy that enjoys sitting in my lap (sorry Bert!). A home away from home. We juice and create healthy food concoctions together. We're having fun getting healthier as we learn. Thank you, Basia. Your gift of hospitality and friendship will be forever appreciated. <br /><br />There's the update. I am an official test subject. It's hard to believe sometimes. Me...the girl from Zion, could be setting the course for future cancer treatment. Cool, eh? <br /><br />Here's the deal. I'll keep the positive attitude...you keep those wonderful prayers coming. Good things are bound to happen. <br /><br />My love to all of you. <br /></div><table class="EWdQcf"><tbody><tr><td><br /></td><td><br /></td><td><br /></td></tr></tbody></table>Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-14145121680533684892008-06-05T19:17:00.004-05:002008-06-05T20:06:59.816-05:00Of all things....Vitamin C!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjePOQR-GgAoVVu9fvAUZHt8ab3b6MGRViQ83Kb_fXzJJV671kmqaw8w5LsRaQtliKgEcSUKxFAlv3sqFrA3OTXvc_D2Qd5c_ZpfS2NLnxht7s2BMs6iWf6UCA58bZGbmDH5dnBghTdJnZK/s1600-h/ctca-logo.gif"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjePOQR-GgAoVVu9fvAUZHt8ab3b6MGRViQ83Kb_fXzJJV671kmqaw8w5LsRaQtliKgEcSUKxFAlv3sqFrA3OTXvc_D2Qd5c_ZpfS2NLnxht7s2BMs6iWf6UCA58bZGbmDH5dnBghTdJnZK/s200/ctca-logo.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5208556647721082354" border="0" /></a><br />The headlines are going to read '<span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Woman Returns Home For Cancer Cure!</span>'<br /><br />Oh...sorry...I should probably explain the latest and greatest news!!!! I am going to be a human guinea pig. A living petri dish. A very lucky test subject!!!!<br /><br />Last Saturday morning I was exploring various cancer treatment center websites for clinical trials. My search brought me to Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Zion, Illinois. I checked out their trials and found <span style="font-weight: bold;">'Clinical Trial of Intravenous Vitamin C for Cancer Treatment Underway</span>'. Not only is it underway, but they are seeking test subjects. CTCA's first ever FDA approved clinical trial.<br /><br />I made contact with CTCA that very moment. Wrote, in detail, my current plight. I said a prayer when I hit the send button; 'Please, Lord, guide this to the proper hands'. That person responded to me on Monday. Tuesday and Wednesday began a flurry of phone communications. Today, I was told I was accepted. Amen!<br /><br />Things have happened very quickly. I report at 8:45 a.m. next Wednesday. The first day will be diagnostics. Thursday I meet with the head of the program, Dr. Robert Levin. We proceed from there. It will require four days of infusions for four weeks.<br /><br />Maybe I should explain the meaning of Zion, Illinois to some of you just getting to know me. Zion is my home town. I was born and raised there. Grade school, high school, my first kiss.... Yup....Zion.<br /><br />Anyone that knows me, knows I am a 'Google' nut. I've been doing my research on the Vitamin C subject. This, quite frankly, sounds God-Sent and amazing! This Phase I trial holds great promise!<br /><br />A good friend has already shared a personal story of a local woman here in Minnesota. She was in late stages of cancer. Advised by her doctor that she had about one month to live. She chose to investigate an alternative therapy....Vitamin C infusions. She is now enjoying her forth year of remission! There are many, many more reports with similar outcomes.<br /><br />When I was told in April that I was not a surgical candidate and I no longer had other viable treatment options, I felt I was being told I had a limited future. At the same time, I also remember telling myself there was a reason I didn't have those options. I allowed my faith to carry me. It has carried me through so much. Faith has now brought me to this place. I am whole and healthy....and ready to kick some butt with Vitamin C of all things!<br /><br />Your prayers have indeed been working! Thank you for being with me and believing!<br /><br />This story should be for my friend Montel Williams. Unfortunately, his show is no longer airing. Oprah... I have a great story to share with you. Care to listen?<br /><br />http://www.cancercenter.com/research/1.cfm<br />http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/content/full/174/7/937Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-15529921370875030882008-05-29T09:56:00.007-05:002008-05-29T10:12:40.306-05:00Vow Renewals<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7flk0CXvo5g5D8-pZKjYQowY-RZwa77kk2gnU9kMOhZmpLfjnGSztVZ4loIqGyx53GapK2Ub0OhvCphrLU3Qtp8-P6OGV14btOWt4bpc2aadlfpLAhgzVj4snibaRxe3iCq7HBFZ-tNNu/s1600-h/-1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7flk0CXvo5g5D8-pZKjYQowY-RZwa77kk2gnU9kMOhZmpLfjnGSztVZ4loIqGyx53GapK2Ub0OhvCphrLU3Qtp8-P6OGV14btOWt4bpc2aadlfpLAhgzVj4snibaRxe3iCq7HBFZ-tNNu/s200/-1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5205815498355222402" border="0" /></a><br />We had a beautiful vow renewal ceremony on Sunday, May 25. It was an amazing evening.<br /><br />Our Host and Hostess, Bill & Sue, created the perfect setting for a ceremony and a rockin' party. We were originally married on their boat, Exuberance. It was only appropriate that we celebrate our renewal at their new home. and was it new.... The driveway, entry steps, landscaping, etc. were still being completed the day before the ceremony!!!<br /><br />The weather leading up to the event was a bit turbulent. We were concerned about how we were going to handle the planned outdoor ceremony, knowing there was stormy weather, including tornadoes, just north of us. Shortly before guests started arriving, the dark clouds disappeared, the sun shined and the universe granted us a gift of an incredible evening.<br /><br />Dick and I were surrounded by many people that have supported us through the years. The love being shared during the ceremony could be felt as the energy sparked in the air.<br /><br />Our photographer has provided a link to the evenings photographs. As the pictures express, the exchange of vows was very emotional. We are so blessed to have each other. I love you Dick....and I still choose you.<br /><br />If you would like to get a peek at our evening through photos......<div>link: <a href="http://www.kaminphoto.com/" target="_blank">www.kaminphoto.com</a></div><div>event code: <b>Bienapfl</b></div>Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-66781005821870690412008-05-09T13:51:00.000-05:002008-05-09T13:53:37.357-05:00Spring HarmonyWhat a wonderful feeling. The sun is shining. Plants are showing signs of coming alive. I feel good...really good!!!!<br /><br />I never imagined I would be experiencing the wonderful energy I am feeling. I don't know if it's the cleanse (one more week left of the twenty-one day program), the fact that I have had enough time for the chemo to gradually work out of my body, the Quantum Touch I experienced this week, my wonderful acupuncture or the beginning of my macrobiotic lifestyle. Whew...I've been busy!<br /><br />What I do know is that something or the combination of all of the above is granting me harmony within myself. It's almost as though I am on a high at times. I catch myself smiling and humming...at life!<br /><br />With the experience of feeling better, I find that the cancer focus is no longer the constant talk in my head. When one feels their body has been drained it is easy to focus on only one thing. My brain is moving on. My heart is embracing what the universe is sharing with me. It's almost as though I can feel all the wonderful thoughts, prayers and support being sent flowing within me.<br /><br />I am so grateful to be at this place. You are good. God is good.<br /><br />May the harmony and happiness that I am feeling reverberate and resinate within you.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-4154617385587339062008-04-29T10:51:00.002-05:002008-04-29T10:57:43.395-05:00HealingThe disappointment and unsettling news we received two weeks ago has slowly processed. Normal routines are quietly replacing the deep sadness we were experiencing. It is amazing the hit a body takes when emotionally shaken. It seemed every movement required extra energy. I personally did not have much in reserves. Dick was down in the trenches with me. I don't think I have ever seen him so affected. It was difficult to watch him so low.<br /><br />Although I do not have the answers as to why things happen the way they do, I have a deep faith and belief that this is all part of a bigger plan. The break in treatment is allowing my body to be rejuvenated and healed in other ways. With that, I am now being given the opportunity to learn more about alternative therapies. My naturopath, Annika, is preparing me with an arsenal of supplements. The amount of research she has done is astonishing. Herbs and natural remedies can do remarkable things.<br /><br />Tomorrow I have a class with a macrobiotic chef. She is going to show me that healthy eating does not mean giving up on entertaining ones taste buds. My own research has shown that a healthy diet is going to be one of my most beneficial natural cures. <br /><br />It is interesting the response I receive when I tell people that I am changing my diet to complete vegetarian. Most responses are 'if I were you, I would just eat whatever I wanted and enjoy that part life.' Not so much. There is a definite fork in the road where you need to make that decision. My decision is to do all I can for me and the people that I love to extend my personal ride as long and as healthily as I can. I can't imagine telling Eileen I would rather eat steak and overdose on chocolate cake rather than spending more time with her. Need I say more?<br /><br />Through all this, so many wonderful and caring individuals have reached out to us. This is truly one of the most amazing blessings we have received in our lives. We are so thankful for all of the support. Although I have not been able to personally write and acknowledge each thoughtful note or phone call, please know that your words have been received and are deeply, deeply appreciated.<br /><br /><span>phoe·nix </span>Pronunciation:<span> \<span>ˈ</span>fē-niks\</span> Function:<em> noun </em>4. a person or thing that has become renewed or restored after suffering calamity or apparent annihilation.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-9996377767752310062008-04-16T09:55:00.005-05:002008-05-10T21:19:57.002-05:00Disappointment<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_HE4iViZhzpe1AtCv5mhATHw9pDiuK4wTqjISKJ2bg1WQSBbyXa54jYg-Js8RjJQbUQu83jtgTjg6tZXsUl6valV4O4LbTo7EYH50WaMyNXKhn7qo2Rg5yYMOF1AiMe5EaskMO-JmtvFu/s1600-h/L1010415.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_HE4iViZhzpe1AtCv5mhATHw9pDiuK4wTqjISKJ2bg1WQSBbyXa54jYg-Js8RjJQbUQu83jtgTjg6tZXsUl6valV4O4LbTo7EYH50WaMyNXKhn7qo2Rg5yYMOF1AiMe5EaskMO-JmtvFu/s200/L1010415.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5198939221687564706" border="0" /></a><br />The trip to Cabo San Lucas was glorious. The home was just as I had remembered from the last visit Dick and I enjoyed. The beautiful weather allowed for daily morning walks and sitting around the pool for hours taking in the healing powers of the sun. Evenings in the hot tub allowed for great conversation...and we never solved the problems of the world. I was blessed to be surrounded by two wonderful, caring and fun loving friends. A very special trip indeed.<br /><br />Returning from Mexico was a busy time, as it gave me few days to prepare for my upcoming surgery. Knowing one is not going to be able to physically be involved in spring cleaning, digging in my garden and comfortably breathing in the fresh air of the season found me a bit melancholy. With that, the surgery was bringing me great hope in life...my own spring renewal.<br /><br />This week started with diagnostics at Mayo; blood tests, pulmonary function tests and a final CT scan. Our meeting with doctor Cassivi was scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. I packed my bags, finalized personal paperwork, gave Bert (our super dog) a hug and let him know I would see him in a few weeks. These past days have been very emotional. Leading up to this final appointment was torturous for both Dick and me.<br /><br />We arrived for our appointment yesterday afternoon. Dr. Grothey saw us first...which I found surprising. This appointment was scheduled with Dr. Cassivi. The first words Dr. Grothey asked were 'how are you feeling?' How am I feeling? I am feeling great. I've been off chemo, enjoyed warm weather with friends...life is great! He asked again. My mind raced. Oh no....please, don't tell me surgery is off!!!!<br /><br />My suspicion was correct. He explained to me that after further review of my most recent CT scans and the placement of one specific tumor, he felt the surgery would not benefit me. Doctor Cassivi joined in our conversation and was in complete agreement. Basically, what they told me is what I had been told last June. I am inoperable. They could remove some of the tumors. Unfortunately, they would have to leave most of the tumor in my pleaural lining. With that and the risks involved, they felt it was not in my best interest to pursue the surgery.<br /><br />I was told to enjoy the Spring. Enjoy the feeling of being whole and healthy. Take a break from cancer. Dr. Grothey said he would see me in June and see if there were any trials we might find beneficial. In the end, Dick and I knew they were kindly telling us to go live life and continue with the positive attitude that has carried me through so much.<br /><br />I know that so many of you have been praying for me. Although not directly involved, I am aware that you have been feeling anxious and concerned about the procedure. So much energy being given. Thank you.<br /><br />I awoke this morning numb. Tears have been pulling themselves up from deep inside my gut. I've barely spoken a word to Dick. We just sit quietly together not knowing what to say or do.<br /><br />Give me a few days....this lost feeling will turn around. I already have a plan. Exercise, yoga, meditation and hire a nutritionist to help me figure out how to make food that is good for you taste good. The most important thing I am going to do is wake up each day with a deep appreciation of having the opportunity of doing so.<br /><br />Things happen for a reason. Although it feels like my life has been pulled out from under me....giving up is just not my thing. Hope, love and the power of prayer. That can't be taken from me.<br /><br />My need (our need) for your prayers has not ended. Now, more than ever, I will be reaching out to you for your energy. I am always being asked 'what can I do for you'? My answer has not changed....pray, pray, pray.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5892795824226737081.post-40828230962491971362008-04-01T22:59:00.001-05:002008-04-01T23:04:00.596-05:00Mentally PreparingToday was 'Target Tuesday'. Between Eileen's schedule, my heath complications and travel, we have not had an opportunity to enjoy our special day together in quite some time . We went out of our way today knowing this would be the last Tuesday we would spend together for several weeks. <br /><br />It's amazing how good one can feel when no longer being pumped with chemo. The trip to Sacramento last week was a reminder of how it feels to live fully. It feels pretty darn good! The days started early and ended late...and I was able to keep up!!! Good thing, as I leave on Thursday for the planned girls trip to Cabo San Lucas. The trip to Mexico will be all about rest and relaxation. The plan is healthy eating, meditating, reading and soaking up the sun. (Okay, I might slip a Margarita or two in there as well.) I should be well prepared for surgery upon my return. <br /><br />Planning for surgery is a very strange experience. When I had surgery last June, it was within days of learning that the cancer had spread. Being given time to physically prepare myself is quite difficult on the psyche. I don't know what is causing the most trepidation...the surgery or the recovery. I have a very good memory...and it hasn't forgotten the experience of a less complicated surgery. <br /><br />My surgery date is actually April 16th. We misunderstood Dr. Cassivi when he scheduled time on the 15th. The 15th is meant as a final review of the procedure. We will be advised that day of the actual surgery time on the 16th. So....the 16th will be the day I would really appreciate your prayers. I am going to ask if you could also send positive energy and prayers to all of the individuals that will be involved in my care as well. Hey...I'm going to be sleeping and on happy drugs! <br /><br />My blessings and well wishes to all of you. I wish I could wrap my arms around each and every one of you and thank you personally.Surviving Colorectal Cancerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16402550192719154848noreply@blogger.com2