Friday, November 2, 2007

TUESDAY, JUNE 19, 2007 10:00 AM, CDT

Life continues....

I had a rather difficult day yesterday. It's like reality is hitting and I don't know what to do. Most of the time I am positive about the situation. I realize I actually fool myself.

The reality is that I feel pain, physically and emotionally. Simple tasks like bending down or stretching to reach up still hurt. I realize that is not going to change, as that is my cancer pressing.

I am easily out of breath. I thought that would improve, but every time I speak with Dr. Dang from Sloan, I realize she is telling me that is not going to get better. That is what I am living with right now. She is waiting for me to tell her it's getting worse.

My oncologist, Sloan and I have all made a decision to go forward with my chemo in Minneapolis. I will then make visits to Sloan for diagnostics; scans, etc. I will be starting the Erbitux and Folfox regime next week.

I am scheduled to have my port surgery next Tuesday morning. I have yet to learn what day exactly chemo will begin, as we are awaiting approval from our insurance company.

It's my understanding this Erbitux is quite expensive. I am grateful I live in the United States, as Canada will not allow it in their health care system. I was reading in a fellow cancer patients blog that it costs about $34,000 month. I guess if you are Canadian and you have a disease like this, you no longer matter. Very sad statement.

Today will be a better day. I know that yesterday was difficult for Dick. I was numb and had little expression. By the time we got to bed he asked me to rate my day from zero to ten. He just didn't know how else to approach me and attempt to get into my head. Well, then the flood gates opened. God bless the caregivers.

Lift my spirits Lord and give me strength to meet this challenge.

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