Friday, November 2, 2007

TUESDAY, JUNE 05, 2007 09:44 PM, CDT

My head hurts. There are too many things to think about. So many of them are of the unknown.

I spoke with my Oncologist this morning. I will not see him until Friday the 15th. This will give me time to heal from surgery. Seems to me I can heal and talk about treatments at the same time! Yes, I'm a bit frustrated by that.

He wants to meet with me late in the day after most of the patients have left the office. This will give us the opportunity to focus on my fight for life. He said something about monoclonal antibodies, Cisplatin and my old 5FU chemo regime.

As much research I do myself, none of it quite comes together in my head. Could it be the oxycodone effecting my clear thinking? Nah....I'm thinking this is some pretty heavy doo-doo that I'm reading about.

I'm concerned. He didn't say anything about radiation. What am I supposed to do with this growth on the wall of my lung that the thoracic surgeon wouldn't remove?

I believe I am more afraid than I have ever been in my life. I've never been a runner, let alone one training for a marathon. I feel like I'm running in place.

Please keep those prayers coming. Old friends and colleagues may be hearing from me. I'm sensing desperation.

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