Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Next Steps

These past days have been very emotional. I found I used my hospital stay to cocoon myself and hide from the reality of my world. Now that I am home, I have had to face some rather difficult decisions.

Dick has been after me to make necessary phone calls. He has the heart wrenching job of having to push me through and return me to our reality. He basically begged me to talk to Doctor Chris at CTCA. I followed his wishes and did so today.

Dr. Chris is generally a very upbeat, optimistic and hopeful practitioner. Today I heard fear in his voice. In few words, he expressed to me that the cancer was winning over. If we were going to do anything proactively, we would have to do it within the next two weeks. Personally, I was really hoping to recover from my most recent surgery before having to chase the next set of procedures. From what I am hearing, I do not have time for that.

The team at CTCA will not know exactly what I will be facing until I get there. From what Chris has shared with me, they seem to feel they can remove the tumors that are growing in my pelvic area. With that, they will need to provide another form of radiation to the area that branching out into my right leg.

Where did this all come from? How did this all happen so quickly? I was living so lightly and had a sense of freedom from this beast. Now all I can do is think of the torturous ending it has awaiting me. I try to hide my tears from my loving and ever vigilant daughter, Eileen. She is constantly at my side and sees the pain and fear growing within my eyes. I don't know who needs more support right now, her or I?

This is so unfair for a twenty year old to experience. She needs her mommy. I must overcome. I will fight this next battle.

6 comments:

otstx said...

I couldn't sleep and I went on YouTube and wound up seeing your story Kathy. It's 214 am my time abdim laying in bed with my IPhone propped up and I want you to know that I am going to call 3 churches I know and get you on their prayer list. I will pray for you bug time. I have some more to 'pen' but my pain Rx is kicking in. Be comforted; and know that HE, is ever by your side. Hugs, Hunter
(A patient-LoneWolfe on DailyStrength.com)

Anonymous said...

I'm praying for you and your family, Kathy, from down here in Madison.

Taylor said...

Kathy, I've been watching your post for awhile now, having originally viewed it via YouTube, I think, the show with Montel W. Anyway, I hope that you are still well enough to read this and know that you are loved by so many people, even many, many miles away and all across the Earth. God loves you most, and the best love of all. I pray that even now, there might be miracles of peace in your life and that you will know that you are being held up in prayers. love, Hunter

scott nusz said...

Kathy is no longer on facebook, has anyone heard anything, just a person that became a fb friend on mafia wars with her

Surviving Colorectal Cancer said...

Hi. I am still around. With the world of Facebook I have neglected this wonderful medium for communication. I am still on Facebook, but have reduced my friends to family and mostly grade school and high school friends.

I need to let many know what as been happening since my last post. I have not posted as there is very little good to share. Right now our goal is to keep my pain under control. I am currently being cared for by a wonderful hospice team. All treatment options have ended. As they say....It's the end of the road.

For you and many very curious, I will provide an update this week. It's a very emotional time, thus writing will be very difficult as well.

Thanks for checking in. Many blessings to you and those you love.

Kathy

Anonymous said...

God Bless You - I have followed you for a long long time and was always celebrating your successes with you. Cancer is a monster and it seems that once it gets a hold of you, you will see it again. God be with you as you make your journey and with your family as they mourn.